i need a hobby

ups and downs

2009-03-27T16:40:00.000-07:00

I climbed a mountain! How appropriate. Two strikes, and a home run on the third attempt. I'm content with it. I'm not going to tell you what mountain, but it was big. Bigger than the others. I hired a guide, and without him I would've failed undoubtedly. Actually the trail wasn't even marked so you'd have to be pretty amazing to do it without a guide. I'm glad I didn't summit before, because I think the lessons learned in the failed attempts are more worthy than this most recent success.

On the down side, I didn't make the first round of offers for Ryerson's Public Policy program *sad face*, though I may make the next round of offers. Anyhow, I'm owning up to the reality that I'm not quite as hot as I'd like to be in the eyes of academia. I'm definitely working through feelings of insecurity about the future... buuuutt, I know this is a good thing. God's got a plan, and so far it's been unfolding well for me, one piece at a time. There's a mixture of disappointment that my plans may not work out, but anticipation and a bit of excitement to see what He has in store.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense
But trust Him for his grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides His smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste;
But sweet will be the flower.

William Cowper, "God Moves in a Mysterious Way" (1774)

free music

2009-02-15T08:13:00.000-08:00

I love free music that artists willingly give away. I've been introduced to two websites that have been of great blessing to me, and I want to pass them on to you.

http://relevantrevolution.com/audio.html
This page has new Christian artists. I'm enjoying the Grassroots album. The web site is from Relevant Revolution, a bunch of cats engaged in producing media that celebrates the gospel and isn't cheezy.
one of their subministries is:
http://sermonjams.com/
These site is mainly about taking sermon clips, and mixing in some beats to emphasis the message. I like a lot.

https://www.noisetrade.com/#
This site has plenty of artists, some very successful, who are posting some of their albums for free. I suggest Derek Webb, The Ringing Bell. If anyone finds or sees an artist they like, I'd like to hear about them.

Andrew

a (near) mountain-top experience

2009-01-26T07:54:00.000-08:00

I just spent a week in Spain. It was great. While I have not found a hobby, since the creation of this blog I've developed into a more out-doorsy guy. I've solo-hiked and camped on the Bruce Trail, I've smelt many wild flowers, woken up early to watch sunrises, and have attempted summitting two mountains. To my great dismay, neither mountain was summitted.

It is not a happy thing to hike through snow and mud, scramble up slick rocks, get blown off your feet, and then not reach the top. The first mountain was in Morocco, and I was not prepared for 4 inches of snow that the Lonely Planet guide didn't mention. The second failure to summit in Spain hurt more. I was told 4 hours top and bottom. So I scheduled 5 hours to go up and down before nightfall in order to be safe. 3 hours into the hike I was no where near the top, and met a guy coming down who told me it was another 2 hours! I was frustrated and worried that I wouldn't reach the top. I committed to a faster pace. So far the path had been really flat and I was going along easily, so I thought a faster pace would might just do it. Turns out that the previous section of the hike was easy, but from now on it was steep and rocky, and with rain and cloud mist it was pretty dangerous to go quickly. I laboured for about 40 minutes at a good pace. At one point I thought I saw the peak, but was disappointed when the path just continued past it. Looks like I was going higher. Soon the path was no more, just spray-paint markers on rocks to tell you where you needed to climb. I was using all fours to get up some parts. It was exciting, but I just didn't know if I had the time. I committed to just ten more minutes, because I didn't know how much more light I had, and with the cloud cover it would get dark faster, and there was no way I wanted to be on that mountain in the dark. It was hard enough sticking to the path at it was.

When the 10 minutes was up, I decided to stop, not knowing how much further it was to the top. I took a video and lamented another failed attempt. I even pondered out-loud whether God was trying to teach me something in all of it. As I turned off the camera and looked up to where I thought the peak might be (I couldn't see because I was in the mountain's clouds and you can only see so far in a cloud), the wind blew and moved the cloud away so I could see the peak. It was nice to see it, but my heart nearly stopped when I saw what was on it. A cross. There it was, a white metallic cross at the top of the mountain. After the shock, I chuckled at the odd answer God was seeming to give my pondering as to whether he was trying to teach me something. Seeing the summit I tried to guess how much longer to the top. The path was not direct, and I believed I needed to turn back. I wavered about whether to attempt to reach the top, but decided against it. I knew I could reach it soon, but I didn't know if I could hit it and get back before dark. I took a picture of the barely visible cross (edited at top) and headed back. It was a painful turn-around.

On my way back, I was dealing with the pain on having turned back. For me, these outdoors adventures are more than kicks. They're metaphors for how I want to live my life. Pushing past tough obstacles, strectching my limits, and taking risks in order to experience great rewards. Not succeeding in one of these outdoorsy things fills me with a fear that I won't succeed in life. If I don't push myself to summitt the mountain, will I push myself to follow God's will if He calls me to do something crazy hard, like live my life overseas?

Then I realized that these metaphors, while cool, are not necessary parallels to my life. In fact, to have tried to summitt that mountain without knowledge of how long it would take could've endangered my life, rendering the metaphor useless (because I'd be dead). I began to find comfort and joy in knowing that I had chosen life and obeying God's call in the future over a less important immediate goal of mountain climbing. That was a good lesson learned and I didn't feel so bad coming down.

Upon my return to civilization, I told a couple guys who were planning on going up the next day how long it took me, and how it's way more than 4 hours. Well one of those guys took the advice, and ended up climbing the mountain in 4 hours on the dot. Wow! He explained he ran through the initial easy parts, cutting down his time immensely. He also told me that from what I described to him about where I stopped and turned around, it was only another 5-10 minutes to the top. 5 MINUTES! ARGH! All my contentment and comfort vanished and I returned to God, complaining to Him for no good reason, and berating myself for not trying harder. It hurt bad. It still smarts.

That picture of the cross I took at the top of the mountain is a great comfort to me. Even if I could've pushed myself harder and summitted, and built this great life metaphor for future reference, that cross tells me that there's already been an accomplishment greater than any metaphor I could've made. Christ walked this painful earth, took the sins of humanity upon Himself, broke their power of death and came back to life. I believe that, and now that same power is at work in me, pushing me on to obedience to His call. It's a worthy call that I won't fully obey, but I'm very hopeful because He's already stuck a big cross at the end of my life that says, "It is finished," and that gives me great freedom and power to trudge onwards.

2009-01-16T15:43:00.000-08:00

if a blog gets updated, and no one reads it, is it still an update?

a late post

2008-04-29T10:11:00.000-07:00

just want to say sorry to anyone who may have visited my blog looking for a post, and finding jack. I've been slow on the upload. usually i go for once a month, but blogging loses it's luster when I'm busy and don't think i have much to say.

anyhow, so I have a verse pinned up on a light-switch in my bedroom. It says, "When I thought, 'My foot slips,' your steadfast love, O LORD, held me up." This verse has really been a blessing to me on days I recall it, but especially the past two days. Even though the verse is pinned up, I often don't "see" it. I just pass over it. I had actually forgotten where it was in the Bible. One recent morning it stood out to me, and I realized I had forgotten where it was found. I made an initial opening of my Bible to the Psalms to start searching for it, and boom, there it was. For the skeptics (me included), I opened the Book of Psalms in the general area I thought it might be in, so maybe I subconsciously knew where it was all the time. But still, I got the verse on the first opening, and that doesn't happen to me often.

So what am I saying? I'm not saying I believe God exists and loves me because He sovereignly dictated me to open the Bible there. I actually already believe He exists and loves me, whether or not I get to random verses I want to find. What made the event significant to me was that though I believe God loves me, I don't always experience it. Often I feel he's distant, like his love is an RRSP, it's real but it's pretty difficult to cash in on. I'm saying that God reminded me his love can be experienced daily. He may be the all-powerful sustainer of the universe, but He's willing to help me find a verse about his love for me. It's more than encouraging, it's strength to my heart and fuel for my desire to work hard for him.

So here the verse is again,

When I thought, "My foot slips,"

your steadfast love, O LORD, held me up.

Ps 94

Ode to Loved Ones

2008-02-15T12:32:00.000-08:00

I visited Spain about one month-ago with my parents for vacation. Funny how vacation and parents fit together so easily on the computer screen. Actually, I had a great and restful time. My parents are a real blessing to me. They encouraged me in my future plans and really drove home that they are proud of me. God has really used them in my life. So I'll give them a big shout out, even though they don't even really know what a blog is and will likely never read this.

Another great encouragement to me has been my team here in North Africa. They do read blogs, and so I'll give a shout out to Sid, Angela, Aban, and Selina (SAAS). They've been what has made my North Africa experience a positive one, and have helped me grow in different ways.

So below are pictures of both my parents and my other "family" on my Spanish vacation. It will be harder to pick out Sid, Angela, Aban and Selina since they didn't actually come on vacation with me. Instead, they asked me to take pics of things I thought represented them well. I don't think you'll be able to guess, it's really completely subjective to me and how I see my them. But you may want to try...

Thanks for looking at my pics!

Lamb object lesson

2007-12-30T14:19:00.000-08:00

Recently I had two friends in my apartment. We got to talking about faith, and I was trying to communicate that Jesus needed to die in order for the sins of people to be forgiven. It was hard. Why did Jesus need to die?

About a week ago I witnessed a Muslim family sacrifice a lamb. They bought him live, housed him for a few days, then sacrificed him by slitting his throat. The lambs greatest struggle against death came only after the cut had been made at his neck. It was interesting and disturbing that the greater struggle came too late, and the struggle itself helped to quicken the process of dying because of the heightened blood rate, and quicker loss of blood. Within three hours of the sacrifice, we were eating the lamb. That was the other interesting thing I reflected on. We need things to die so we can live.

Now doesn't that provide some interesting light on why Jesus needed to die? Life relies on the death of others. Christians rely on the death of Christ to live. But why then, does his death bring us life? The lamb's futile struggle to live gives insight to that also. This lamb could not overpower natural law. No blood, no life. I'm like that lamb. I struggle a lot to make my life work fine, present a good face, not do bad things. It's a losing battle. Loose ends come back to bite me, pride taints the best of my motives, and I won't be able to fix all this before my heart fails and my blood stops. There was one that overpowered the natural order. Christ did die, he was lead like that lamb, and slaughtered in a much more gruesome way, but death did not have the final word in this case. Christ broke death's power and came back to life. That resurrected life is the hope of the Christian. The Lamb that death cannot contain. The best miracle that ever took place.

Death is swallowed up in victory
O death, where is your victory?
O death, where is your sting?

2 Cor 15

Everything Rap Should Be

2007-11-27T12:38:00.000-08:00

Rap music had humble beginnings. A good beat, two MC's free-styling and cutting each other up. Tupac was a respectable figure by anyone's standard, but from about his time on rap was downgraded to a playground for guys to rhyme about guns, gangs and girls (shout out to positive rap artists out there). I'm not hating, the fact is it's hard to think of a popular music genre that promotes any sort of good lifestyle. It's all fantasy baby. Rap just seems to get the most criticism cause the lifestyle it promotes is so blatantly dangerous and anti-society

Well yesterday i was surfing youtube (shout out to Selina, who successfully distracted me from my work and helped lead me to this diamond in the rough), and found what rap's been waiting for.

Ghost-riding.

It's not so much a rap with a dance, but a dance with a rap. Have you ever been driving your car down the road, playing your stereo loud and proud, getting into it, and saying to yourself, "man, I just want to get out of my car and dance." Well check it, these guys have made your hopes a reality.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=YPNJjL9iznY

Dancing next to a driver-less moving car in a public area. "Pull up, hop out, all in one motion, dancin on the hood while the car's still rollin... [sic]" Couldn't have said it better myself.

You'd be hard pressed to find a better alternative to meet the current needs of your modern rapper. In fact, let's see how Ghost-Riding matches up to gangs, guns and girls in terms of meeting a rapper's need for adventure, identity, and a relationship with member(s) of the opposite sex.

NEED	OPTIONS	RELEASE	CONSEQUENCE
Identity within a community	Gangster Rap	Join a gang	At worst get shot, at best wear a big baseball hat
Identity within a community	Ghost-Riding	Dance with a moving car	Get mad props

NEED	OPTIONS	RELEASE	CONSEQUENCE
Adventure	Gangster Rap	Commit felony, fight the law, fight other gangs	Someone's going to shoot you
Adventure	Ghost-Riding	Dance with a moving car	Feel great

NEED	OPTIONS	RELEASE	CONSEQUENCE
Girls	Gangster Rap	... you've seen the videos..	Short-term relationships
Girls	Ghost-Riding	Dance with a moving car	Probably get a girl who's not quite up to being a “ride or die chick” (gangster g/f) but is willing to date a guy who dances next to his car

Ghost-riding clearly wins in two out of the three given categories (I'm not sure which type of girl-friend is better). I think we just need to bide our time for this new phenomena to replace the destructive shallowness of gang-life with a few misnomers and broken bones.

Justified Sinner

2007-11-18T00:15:00.000-08:00

This morning I put to use a Bible verse that I use once I begin to feel condemned. I like it because recognizes the darkness and guilt a person can go throw because of their sin, and provides a promise that the darkness will be lifted.

Micah 7:8 Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy: when I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, Jehovah will be a light unto me.
Micah 7:9 I will bear the indignation of Jehovah, because I have sinned against him, until he plead my cause, and execute judgment for me: he will bring me forth to the light, and I shall behold his righteousness.
Micah 7:10 Then mine enemy shall see it, and shame shall cover her who said unto me, Where is Jehovah thy God? Mine eyes shall see my desire upon her; now shall she be trodden down as the mire of the streets.
...

The promises of forgiveness and restoration are an ER unit to a guilty heart. So I'll say like the prophet, "Who is a God like unto thee, that pardoneth iniquity, and passeth over the transgression of the remnant of his heritage? he retaineth not his anger for ever, because he delighteth in lovingkindness," (Micah 7:18 ).

Lives to Model

2007-10-27T05:43:00.000-07:00

I read a book by John Piper about 3 Christian men who set good examples for us all (Noel Piper has a similar book for Women).

I think I'll relate briefly the life of one of these guys, William Wilberforce. He was a British member of Parliament, and fought to end the slave trade, and then slavery, until it was abolished in 1833, three days before he died. As a young man, he was a bit of play-boy, and ran in the high social circles. His good friend, William Pitt, ran for Prime Minister at 24 and won it. Wilberforce ran for a seat as a joke, and thanks to 8000 pounds and an incredible talent for speaking, he won it. From that point on he never lost an election.

So how did he go from a play-bog politician to possibly the greatest human rights advocate in the Western world? Isaac Milner, one of his previous schoolmasters, was invited to spend a vacation with Wilberforce, and to the amazement of Wilberforce, Milner was a pretty convinced Christian. Wilberforce was intriqued because Milner didn't fall into the Christian stereotype. That summer, on another trip with Milner, Wilberforce chose to follow Christ. Now he hit a real crisis period, how was he to follow Christ? He sought help from John Newton, who had worked in the slave trade himself, but converted and was now a pastor (he wrote "Amazing Grace"). Through discourse with Newton, Wilberforce became convinced that God had given him "two great objects, the Suppression of the Slave Trade, and the Reformation of Manners [morals]."

Most people don't realize how hardcore a Christian Wilberforce was. He wrote a book, "A Practical View of Christianity," in it he lambasted British society for losing the core doctrines of Christianity - that humans a sinners, and need to take faith in the death of death of Christ for thier sins, and allow God to make the moral. He blamed this loss of true Christianity for the rise of corrupt economic practices. People forgot that the basic assumption of Christianity is that everybody committs and suffers under sin, and everybody needs to be forgiven and released from its oppression - "No one is good, not even one," Rom 3.

All that being said, I don't want to make the same mistake that Wilberforce accuses British society as making and skipping the gospel to get to moral life. If you're a pretty average moral person like me, you can't imitate great morality unless you experience a change of heart. We can't just learn what Wilberforce did, and try to make our lifestyles reflect his. We need to find the source that Wilberforce drank from. Wilberforce believed in the gospel, and did a lot to make sure he never lost sight that it is from Christ where he would derive any strength he needed. I'll let Wilberforce make this point himself,

"Lord, thou knowest that no strength, wisdom or contrivance of human power can signify, or relieve me. It is in thy power alone to deliver me. I fly to thee for sucor and support, O Lord let it come speedily; give me full proof of thy Almighty power; I am in great troubles, insurmountable by me; but to thee slight and inconsiderable; look upon me O Lord with compassion and mercy, and restore me to rest, quietness, and comfort, in the world, or in another by removing me hence [from sorrow and weakness], and into a state of peace and happiness."

Africa is da b0^^b

2007-10-15T16:28:00.000-07:00

So how's it been living it up in North Africa for a month? I've been enjoying myself. As best as I can see, I'm having a good time here because I am surrounded by good people, the work I do is within my skill set, and God takes after his children.

Family of Five
I work with a great team, on all levels. The first level is the five Canadian STINTers who, like me, are here for one-year. We have a lot of fun. We actually desire to be around each other most of the time. That's cool, because you think we'd get tired of each other. There's been some conflict resolutions, but that is a sign of strength. I've been able to recharge off of them by hanging out during a meal or watching a movie or taking a three hour train ride. Sure, they've made me dance and have taken paparazzi style photos, but those have been character deepening experiences that I'm thankful for.

Working within my bounds
I'm not Mr. Social. Apparently I've been seen as a little introverted sometimes. A large part of my work here though is building relationships. That's tough, and it's been stretching, but it's not like I'm a misanthrope (thank you Angela). I enjoy my time with people, and I know I need to limit the amount of people I meet, otherwise, I'll become the depressed sort of person no one wants to meet. I am doing my best to take of myself, by biking, reading, and watching a movie a week :)

God is Good
all the time. This past month I've had the privilege of feeling closer to God. My times in prayer and bible reading and having fellowship with Christians have been a real joy to me. That's not something that I could have said as easily in Canada during my last year. I've also been experiencing more of God's power at work in helping me do what I don't think I was otherwise all that capable of. Sometimes I've felt like I really didn't have the energy to meet a dude, but then he shows up on a scooter, and takes me flying through town, an experience that will get any lazy heart going. Or seeing how God brings people into your life that are well suited to your personality, and you know that he is working out something special between you and them.

P.S.
I also have to say that I have great friends and family at home who are so supportive. I have received encouraging emails. I'm pleased that my friends still love me, and guys I've mentored are taking steps forward in their walk with God. That make me joyful, and gives me faith that perhaps this work too will not be in vain.

oil for your brain

2007-09-30T17:04:00.000-07:00

So I'm here in North Africa, and it'd be appropriate to blog on my experience so far. It's been good. I love my team and the people. I will blog more fully on my experience soon. It's been a growing experience already, and it hasn't been easy. At the same time, I know God has called me, is giving me what I need for each day, and it feels right to be here.

What I really want to blog on is a religious word that I've been mulling on. There are some religious words nearly everyone has a good idea what they mean: sin, crucifixion, righteousness, faith (I think most of us are wrong in our definitions of these words, but we are still pretty close to the mark). There are other words that are pretty much only known to religious people, and even then their definitions vary between persons and denomination.

I spent some time Saturday morning looking at the word 'anointed.' Below is a word study/short essay . I start with its use in the Old Testament, pre-Christ era. Then explain how Jesus and anointing work together, and finally, I discuss how the word applied to Christians, and how it can be use to trap individuals in a spiritual rat-race, or free them to express the gifts God has granted them.

In the Old Testament, people and objects were anointed in a material sense for practical purposes with oil. Wounds would be covered in it for their protection and healing (Is 1:6), and bodies and weapons for effective combat. Objects were anointed with oil to symbolize that they were dedicated to religious use (Ex 30:26-30). People were anointed when they entered a special office, such as a prophet (1 Kings 19:16), a priest (Ex 40:15), or a king (1 Sam 9:16).

Enter Jesus. He fills all three posts, he is a prophet (in Matt 25 Jesus gives a prophecy of the end of times). He is the Priest of all who trust in him (Heb 3:1). He is King of all – not just those who trust in him – (Ps 2, John 18:32-38 – read this one and think on it if you like). Finally, “Messiah” or “Christ” actually means “Anointed One.”

Enter the Church, and all those in it who are trying to figure out what anointing means to us, and all those outside of the Church trying to figure out if we're crazy. Well, for starters, sick people are anointed with oil like in the Old Testament, except the oil is used during prayer. Now this oil is symbolic of the healing power of the Holy Spirit, who goes about supernatural work of God (like healing) on earth.

What about Christians, what kind of anointing can they experience? 2 Cor 1:21 is clear that all Christians experience anointing in through the Holy Spirit, who abides in and can empower any Christian for obedience,

2Co 1:21 And it is God who establishes us with you in Christ, and has anointed us,

2Co 1:22 and who has also put his seal on us and given us his Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee.

This is important. If the Holy Spirit lives in you, the same Spirit that anointed Christ (Lk 4:18), then Christians can expect to be empowered to do similar work to what Christ did. Indeed, that is what we are called to do, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me,” (Lk 9:23,my italics, Phil 3:7-14 is good too).

I think everything to this point is pretty solid and basic, but I still welcome corrective criticism. Now what about a special anointing? Do some Christians have a special anointing for great acts of obedience from God? Do they attain it through a lot of prayer? Are they simply given/burdened with it regardless of their choice?

1 Cor 12:7 “To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good... to one... wisdom... knowledge according to the same Spirit... to another faith...”

No one is special. If you're a Christian you're within the same “Spirit-bracket” as everyone else. Now your gifting may stand out, because it is unusual. You may preach, and thousands convert. Praise God, you're not special. God simply chose to use you as an instrument of this grace. Be thankful and humble, as Paul commands us to in 1 Cor 4:6-7, “that you may learn by us not to go beyond what is written, that none of you may be puffed up in favor of one against another... For what do you have that you did not receive? If then you received it, why do you boast as if you did not receive it?”

So, I have done my best to lay out in a bloggable manner what has been written. The scripture should caution us against views of anointing that promote someone to special reverence in the Church, or to “deeper, more spiritual” experiences of being Christian. None of the cases of anointing I have read or reproduced here have advanced the spiritual state of the person, only the Church (1 Cor 10:7).

More importantly, in my opinion, this scripture should free us to practice our gifts as God has called us, and not be self-conscious about “showing off.” We are wondrously equal in God's eyes, and we should not be ashamed to express our love, hospitality, writing, knowledge, prophecy, witness, preaching, healing, leading, administrating, service, tongues (oh yes), and whatever the Spirit has chosen to apportion to us (1 Cor 12:11).

Hope that helps give a clearer conception of 'anointing' to any who read it. It's a great word. Again, I welcome input and helpful criticism.

something's in the air

2007-09-03T14:28:00.000-07:00

I leave tmrw for North Africa. It's a pretty crazy thinking that I'll be in a totally foreign country for a year. I've been going through periods of anxiety and anticipation. It's not a terrible experience, just different. One interesting thing is I've been doing some weird stuff. Yesterday I not only tested my vertical jump onto a window ledge, I also tried to remain on the narrow ledge. A lady from our church decided to stop by our house at that moment and saw me doing it. Earlier in the day I had stuck my cat on my shoulder and was walking around with him, like a parrot. My neighbor saw me doing that. It was good that people saw me, it helped me look at my actions a little more objectively and realize that I was acting kinda crazy.

One thing that is cool is everything that matters becomes a little more precious. I'm treating my family with super respect, and saying good-bye to friends I haven't spoken to in a while. That's been cool. Hopefully I can remember to try and value people this much more often.

That's it, just thought I'd let people know how all is going before I headed out. I think I will continue blogging throughout my North Africa experience.

48 Km in 48 hrs

2007-08-22T14:44:00.001-07:00

For a while I've been planning the "man-adventure." Which involved me travelling through the wilderness with food, a tarp, a map and a compass. I know I surprise myself sometimes. Anyhow, I decided to ready myself in stages, and the first stage was to sleep outside in the woods without a tent. I took the opportunity at a retreat center near Guelph. I laid down out my tarp, spread my sleeping bag, and tried sleeping. It was pretty hard, but I was getting through all right. Then something unexpected happened. A long, lone howl broke the night. I was like, "wow, sounded like a coyote or something," it was scary. Then it came again, then another joined in, and another, and another, getting to the point where it sounded like some sort of demonic choir of howling. I was freaked. I grabbed my staff, my knife, and my light and jetted back to the comfort of the retreat center rooms. I found out later they were coy-dogs, a cross between wild dogs and coyotes.

So, needless to say I invested in a tent. My man-adventure now consisted of one less tarp, and plus a tent. I won't recount all the details of this solo-hiking trip. It lasted from Sunday 4pm until Tuesday 4pm. I travelled over 50 Km. It was painful, my feet have never been so blistered and I haven't walked with a limp for a while. I was glad that I got the opportunity to push myself. I think highschool rugby was the last time I pushed through so much pain. I broke my wrist in a rugby game once and continued playing for 2 seasons until I went to the doctor. That was stupid, but it required some serious perseverence.

So physically, the trip was demanding, though I'm a little more broad minded now than how much muscle I can pack on. What did the trip do for me mentally and spiritually? I think I realized I tend to create fears when I'm in unfamiliar situations. Like imagining that every twig snap was some coy-dog coming after me (that only happened once, and it was a real dog, and he was nice). As I got more used to the woods, I became less fearful. I'll keep that in mind when I get scared doing new things.

Spiritually the trip was refreshing. I'll make two small points. One, when it comes to perseverence, ability is a small part of it. I could've gone a 100 Km if I had wanted, but I didn't have the drive. If there was some goal, something I found worthy, I would've walked till my blistered feet were bloody humps. I'm going to make sure I invest more in keeping my vision of future goals fresh.

The second point is, I need Jesus. I found parts of my hike scary and overwhelming. I prayed a lot at night, and trusted that Christ's sovereign plan controlled the motions of any wild beasts or falling tree branches (I camped in the most windy forest imaginable!). This is what I'm most thankful for. As I head to North Africa, I don't want to think I'm there because I am a capable young man - I'm not. My God is though, and it's in his care and power that I tread into new territory.

"Who is this King of glory?
The LORD, strong and mighty,
the LORD, mighty in battle!"
Ps 24

On being cheap

2007-08-06T11:52:00.000-07:00

For whatever reason, I'm a pretty cheap guy. I started saving my money when I was 14, starting a bank account with $50. Once I got it up to $500, which was around 17, I opened up a mutual fund account. I paid into that account religiously, holding onto shares throughout the tech bubble burst, and buying into developing markets, until I came out this year with a 2 000 return on about 7 000. Not bad.

I've skipped meals because I'm away from home and didn't want to spend money on food.

I helped start a club in my church for people who are really cheap. We have a secret way of greeting each other. It's kinda like the stone masons, except we don't charge a lot.

Unfortuately, being cheap doesn't always pay. One time I walked a half hour in the cold to avoid spending a bus ticket on the way to the grocery store. It was snowing, and the windchill was painful. After the half hour I realized I was walking the wrong way, and jumped on the next bus. It took a while for the pain in my legs to subside. I was wearing the fashionable jeans with holes in them.

But things really peaked this past week. Last semester my dentist told me I needed to come in and have my wisdom teeth removed. He said they would "probably" start to poke though and cause me lots of pain. I'm no anti-dentite, but sometimes I think medical professionals are a lot like mechanics, telling you there's stuff wrong with you when there isn't, getting money they don't deserve (I'm sure most are great). So my dentist tells me this, and immediately I think, "sure buddy, wouldn't you like to put me out of commission for a week and get a nice cheque from health insurance. I'm no sucker." So they scheduled me an appointment, and I cancelled. I was pretty proud of myself for seeing through the scam.

Well, last week my cheek started to hurt. Yesterday it was killing. Today I can barely open my mouth wide enough to bite something. I looked in the mirror, stuck a flashlight in my mouth, and sure enough, there's a new tooth entering in on an angle that bites my cheek everytime I close my mouth. ouch.

So, this is the price I pay for being cheap. Tomorrow I'm going to have to phone and beg for an immediate emergency appointment. It doesn't help that I'm leaving for North Africa soon.

Anyways, I'm packing my bike in my luggage to cut down on transportation costs in North Africa, we'll see how that one turns out.

Keeping the Sabbath Holy

2007-07-24T12:02:00.000-07:00

For those who know me, I'm pretty quiet. When I get tired or worn out, I get more quiet with a touch of melancholy. So basically I have trouble enjoying life, and my I focus too much on thinking about my problems instead of going about the solution. I think I caught myself yesterday slipping into that funk. Here are the things I was worried about:

-getting in touch with about 50 people for further support raising
-figuring out what I'm going to do with my life after North Africa
-wanting a girlfriend, who will eventually turn into a wife.
-needing to read more books because it's summer and I should use any free time more effectively to nourish my mind
-not being very happy

Anyhow, I was at my friend Ryan's house, and even though he's a great guy and his dog is fun to play with I was still pretty mopey (sorry Ryan). So this morning I decided to have the Sabbath I hadn't taken in over a week. A Sabbath is a day of rest and worship of God.

It's only 3 o'clock, and I'm already feeling like all those worries aren't so terrible. None of them really deserve to be worried about. I can't see how any of them fall out of God's authority, and so I should trust him with them. Especially when it comes to girlfriends, otherwise I start evaluating all the women I meet or know through the "potential wife" glasses. That's a terrible thing that I think robs a lot of us from relationships that could otherwise be joyful and without anxiety.

Cool, so I hope everyone gets a bit of refreshment ASAP.

PS here's a fun pic I took on Saturday

shout out to the MAC CRU DG, who feasted upon the flesh of numerous known and unknown animal species at Korean Grill House.

tough theology through the eyes of Lisa Beamer

2007-07-06T11:26:00.001-07:00

Recently I got familiar with the story of Lisa Beamer. Those who watch TV would know her as the wife who's husband said "Let's Roll" (now copyrighted) before he and other passengers attempted to take back the plane on 9/11.

Her name and story have been really played out. She has also drawn a lot of criticism, whether fairly or not I don't know. Goggle her and you'll find a mix of praise and criticism. Wikipedia records some skepticism about the charitable foundation she has started in the name of her husband Todd Beamer. The foundation is for the unknown families affected by 9/11 who don't have the benefit of media payouts.

So, all that being said, I bring her up because she is a good example of a topic that I've brought up before, how all things fall under God's control and purposes. This means that a supposedly good God allows tragedies, and their positive effects are somehow very beneficial for God and those whom are aligned to this grand being.

Lisa Beamer is a Christian. At age 15 she lost her dad to a brain annerysm. He suufered it at work, the next day he died. For five years she struggled in her relationship with God, and why he would let her father die. She found light at the end of that tunnel, deepening her trust that God's love is still trustworthy, and he has a plan for her joy. Then she lost her husband Todd. God doesn't spread out suffering evenly. I quote her as saying this, "I don't know God's plan right now, and frankly I don't like it, but I trust his promise in Romans 8:28." The verse says, "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purposes."

I'll only touch on what I think Lisa Beamer is communicating. As a Christian, she is assured ultimate security, but not a security of wealth, health, or any physical thing. The gospel doesn't promise these things, in fact, in the same chapter Paul says, "For your (God's) sake we are being killed all day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered." Slaughtered! Can I get a hallelujah? ... anyone?... Not likely. If you're goal in life is to be secure, have a good job, do something nice for others, keep your nose clean, and leave behind kids who are similar to you then this verse is not going up on the fridge. But Lisa Beamer (I am lead to think) understands that as a Christian, God's goal is to increase the joyful love she will have in him, the ONLY joyful thing that will last. She will meet Todd Beamer in heaven, but heaven isn't about Mr. Beamer, it's about God, and God is using Lisa on earth to show others that life is not about partners and children and good jobs, but about created humans coming into joyful relationship with the Creator. Rebellious kids coming back to their Father.

That's why Paul, in Romans 8, finishes his thought with "I am convinced that neither death nor life... nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Suffering turns many people away from God, though the reality is it's often the only means that can truly turn our hearts to value the only thing that could fulfill us (and those we want to fulfill) forever.

couple random things

2007-06-30T12:44:00.000-07:00

I'm not gonna lie, it's been over a month that I've blogged, and I'm not really feeling it now. But there are a few things going on that I'm pretty happy about.

Support Raising is going well, I'm at 50% of my minimum, which is great. I'm well on my way to being 100%.

My life has consisted of things besides support raising, one of which was me getting a bike from my brother Ira. It's pretty sweet, a road bike so the tires are thinner. He rode it for a while, but then stopped and decided to give it to me. I'm planning on taking it to North Africa with me. I got a wicked cool lock. I fiddled with the bike and some contraption to put the lock on today and had a great time. Problem solving is one of the greatest things ever. I didn't solve the problem that presented itself, which was a conflict of space between the bike lock and water bottle. The bottle won, and hence the law on non-contradiction still stands. ... phew..

Another thing was a brief early life crisis. I worried that I should have taken something more practical than philosophy. Until 3rd yr I was an International Development Major as well, which has more job opportunities. It applies to missionary work pretty well too. In the end though, when I made my decision to specialize in the least practical subject I was doing my best to follow God's will, so I'm gonna trust that this degree has better purposes than I can see right now.
It also helped me realize who I am. I'm not Christian who is a "practical athiest." One who believes God is in command, but never leaves anything to faith and seeks to live as secure a life as possible. So who am I? Well, someone who's gotta trust that God is a good father, and when he leads me, he's got a good plan for me.

Hope everyone else is loving the summer, and to all you support razers, may God equip you soon to what he's called you to.

Guy's Night Out

2007-05-28T18:46:00.000-07:00

What do three educated, good-looking, single men do on a Friday night? Most eligible bachelors hit the bars, and buy ladies drinks, but not Ryan, Silas and me. We're a special breed, the kind without much money. The kind who will scratch their brains for half an hour, trying to figure out how to have fun without spending more than their bus fare.

So what did we come up with? Nothing less than a photo-shoot adventure. We picked up our cameras and hit the town. Here are some of my favourites.

I quote, "like argyle on a building"

at the Harbour

We trespassed and climbed a mountain of rock, scrap metal, and broken glass to get this view. This photo-op wasn't meant for boys.

Fight and Fashion in Animalia

2007-05-23T19:03:00.000-07:00

Today I saw an ant get stung by a spider, writhe in pain for a couple of minutes, then get its juices sucked out by spidey. One other ant almost helped out. He kinda took a dash at the spider and left. Probly figured it was too late.

Last week, I witnessed my cat maim, kill, and then eat a mouse. He ate the whole thing. Took less than 2 minutes.

The animal world is pretty cool. How can you not admire the fight to survive, hunting, and large amounts of reproducing. (The last one was a joke, but it still fits.)

Some animals, though, look pretty worthless.

Exhibit A.What were they thinking when they bred the Chihuahua, "let's make a dog that looks like a big rat that fits in your purse?" Maybe.

Anyhow, I hope this person finds their walking accessory, the poor thing can't last too long on its own.

support/confidence raising

2007-05-12T21:21:00.000-07:00

For the past two weeks I've been meeting with people to explain why I am going to North Africa, what I'll be doing there, and requesting their partnership with me. That part is not too hard. Archie and Cindy (two campus4christ staff and great parents) sat through my first attempt at a presentation. It was pretty bad, but after the initial mess-ups I've grown more comfortable with it.

The tough part is connecting with and asking them if they'd be willing to meet with me. I'm plagued by the worry they don't want to meet me. That they think I'm too much an outsider in their social network to request a financial and prayer partnership. Some struggle with this more than others. I think you can catch me somewhere on the stressed out and but I'm working through my issues side.

Alongside support raising, I've been reading the book of Ephesians (New Testament, middleish). Paul starts off by telling those Ephesians in relationship with Christ that they've been chosen by God to be his children. Children who are not just promised heaven (which is going to be great!) but safe passage in this life as well. As a son of God, I have God residing within me, guaranteeing that I will be made into a more God-like person, until I die, and the transformation is made complete.

That's pretty much Ephesians chapter 1. I'd love to talk about 2 and 3, where Paul writes about the child's previous state of depravity, and the multi-ethnic family God is building on this earth to represent himself, but these are before and after effects of what I find most comforting - the gospel. God bought me with his Son, and has produced faith in me to believe that, and will continue to produce in me exactly what's required, until I die, and stand before him. I could tell myself, "Joe really likes you!," "it's not a big deal if he doesn't," "Go get'em tiger!" as I battle a crumbling opinion of myself when I pick up that phone to call Joe whats-his-name. The gospel tells me I don't need to hang my head in shame or pyche myself up. I'm a brother of Christ - the perfect Son - and God has a plan for me that includes Joe whats-his-name (in some unknown, but good, capacity), and God will carry it through on account of his faithfulness as a father. I walk in sincere and stable faith, not in a "self-help" attitude.

The gospel has been the main source of comfort for me these past two weeks. Funny that it's not some new thing I learned that's doing "it" for me. It's the same place where I started with Christ a long time ago (well... maybe 4 years).

All endings call for new beginnings

2007-05-02T07:19:00.000-07:00

The title really isn't appropriate, but last Friday was my final day as a resident student on campus. There were still a lot of things I hadn't done yet, like get drunk at the club or use the new computer lab. There was one thing that I felt compelled to do - order a Wendy's hamburger. I'm not a healthnut, but I figure when I'm hungry it's because my body wants nutrients and carbs and other things it will use to function normally. So I try to put food in my body that contains these things. I've avoided fast-food since September, caving only to the delicious pizza slices of Panzerotto Pizza, and once to a KFC chicken sandwich.

I enjoyed my Wendy's BLT Cheese Burger. It tasted a little like wet carboard covered in ketchup and cheese, but the ketchup and cheese made up for it. I kept on telling my friend (John Knight - good guy) how I couldn't believe people eat this, but inwardly I was thinking, "I could go for one of these dry, paper-like burgers again." I think they drug those things to make them more addictive. Anyhow, I don't plan on punishing my innards like that again for a while, but the brief pleasue was well worth it.

PS Is anyone else wondering what the dude behind me is thinking about his meal?

all done for now

2007-04-23T21:29:00.000-07:00

I finished my semester on friday, and had an amazing weekend of events that I enjoyed thoroughly. Here they are in order
1) hung out on the front porch of a seedy neighborhood with a Scottish guy. We talked a long time about life and God. He was similar to the background my father comes from, giving intellectual assent and respect to God, but not pursuing any sort of relationship
2)hung out with my friends Lydia and Nathan
3)saturday morning prayer meeting in the same seedy neighborhood that I hung out in with the Scottish guy
4)spent all afternoon in Kensignton market, buying ingredients for a homemade pizza. It was a "P"-pizza, all the ingredients started with "P." Lydia helped to make it
5)Went to the "P" party, hence the "P"-Pizza.
6)church (we're on Sunday now), where we were given little shakers for the singing part. that was cool
7)lunch at my friend Kuirnan's house. Kuirnan has 6 fun and well-behaved children.
8)hung out with Steve Adam
9)watched my friend play slide guitar at a blues bar

lists never really cut it, but this was very likely the best weekend of my life. All around goodness. Good bonding, social fun, with just enough time for isolated walks.

It was a good weekend, and I thank God for it. I believe all good things come from Him, the only good being. The theological term to apply here is "common grace," we all get good gifts, the most basic being life itself. Other good things (like great weekends) flow from the hand of God for the purpose of letting us see a bit of Him - the Giver.

poolosophy

2007-04-16T13:52:00.000-07:00

I am about to commence on a twenty-something page essay on Logical Positivism. A theory that is an attempt to create a coherent, secular worldview. It would mean that statements unverifiable in nature, such as "God exists" would be rendered meaningless. Meaningful sentences are those that have material value, like "every tree I've seen is made of wood," or "Andrew is studying." We can verify whether those are true or false. You can look at all the trees I've seen and find that it's true, they are made of wood. You can also find me and say, no, it's false, Andrew is not studying. Moral questions, like "Hitler was evil," are toughies, but someone smart might be able to afford meaning to those. If not, we'll just go with relativism and the "moral majority."

This theory failed, no philosopher would say a coherent secular worldview came out it. Now that's really interesting, because you can hear the effects of the theory everywhere. Our culture
is so focused on the 5 senses being the only means of truth-finding, "Well if God came down and spoke to me, then I'd believe." But yet when this theory of naturalism is brought to it's logical conclusions (in positivism) we get a fallen philosophy.

Anyhow, I'm hoping that my essay will bring out just why positivism failed, and why no one can make it work, and even why it NEEDS to work for a secular worldview to be plausible.

and if you ask me why I believe in God... well last tuesday i needed both soap AND a number list for my church. and the big guy upstairs hooked me up with both in less than an hour through unusual circumstances. that's not why i believe, but i did think it was cool.

alright, i'm done

part two

2007-04-11T05:32:00.000-07:00

I said something along these lines to the males. Actually, this version is gonna be better, cause I can't remember myself verbatim, and I'm gonna make myself sound more concise and on the ball than I really was.

Men, our four years at university is not just a good time and getting a degree. It's an opportunity to become men. We are not yet men. Manhood today is characterized by indesciveness, and passivity. We need to get into a biblical concept of manhood. There's two things I want to say on this, in 2 Samuel 10 (i actually messed up here cause i had two passages to choose from, and i marked the one i wasn't going to use, and forgot the one i wanted to use... so this blog is getting the improved version) two of King David's commanders, Joab and Abishai, have to face an oncoming gigantic army ofSyrians and Ammonites. It was so big that it approached them by front and rear, surrounding the Israelites. Joab put to use some strategy (hooray!) and divided his army into a smaller better unit to fight the Syrians, and the larger half to fight the Ammonites. Then this is what Joab said to his second-in-command, Abishai,
2Sa 10:11 And he said, "If the Syrians are too strong for me, then you shall help me, but if the Ammonites are too strong for you, then I will come and help you. 12 Be of good courage, and let us be courageous for our people, and for the cities of our God, and may the LORD do what seems good to him."

That last part hits is the most exciting, "Let us be courageous for our people... and may the LORD do what seems good to him." These men were not characterized by waiting around for God to send a sign from heaven. They knew they had a job to do - protect Israel - and took a risk in their military strategy to accomplish it, recognizing that God could choose to not bless them. Men need to recognize they have a job to lead in as well, the Great Commission, and take risks accordingly without sitting around on their butts.

The second point is this: guys, women are great. We need to love and serve and lead them. Ephesians 5 tells husbands to love their wives and Christ loved the church, giving himself up for her, that he might sancifiy her. We need to follow his example and take the initiative to treat women with respect and serve their needs. It's a sacrificial leadership, like Christ exemplified, that should characterize our relationships with women.

At university we can learn how to lead and obedience. We have role models to follow, and opportunities to grow in leadership. You need to be involved in the Great Commission on university at the least for your own character development.

Do these two things, taking risks for the Kingdom and loving women, and you'll probly die a happy man.

farewell thoughts part 1

2007-04-07T11:17:00.000-07:00

April 4th Toronto Campus4Christ had their year-end banquet. It was a nice size in attendence, probly over a hundred.. i'm not very good at estimating numbers. i used to tell people our church could hold 12 000... it's morel like 1 200.

Anyhow, Lydia and I gave farewell speeches. I spoke about the need to have a faith grounded in the gospel. Campus4Christ is a fast-moving, action-loving organization. That's something we don't get to experience in the church, it's a priviledge. It's also a burden. Failure is inevitable and pretty constant when you have a million responsibilities, many of them beyond your natural capacity. There's a need to tackle everything in the power of the Holy Spirit. But there's a need often glance over in the rush to meet challenges. The need to find our worth and self-esteem first and only in the cross. This year more than any in my university experience I've experienced the esteem-eroding effects of failure. Failure to love, lead, disciple, witness, perform well in class. On the outside my "performance" may be looking good, but I know my heart and those unseen and wasted opportunities. But the glory of this year and of God has been to see all the more clearly the unconditional love of God. I've been forced to find more of my worth in Christ, in the grace in which I stand. The "grace in which [many of us] stand" is a platform outside of the judgements of the law, and inside the unconditional acceptance and love of God. This is an attitude that gives glory to God. It's also an attitude that can breed actual love for others, and kill the self-condemnation that can destroy our faith. So I did as best I could to articulate the need for Christians to "preach the gospel to themselves," as John Piper says.

The I said something to men, but I'll write about it later, it's pretty heavy too, and the gospel is way better.

my bully desire

2007-03-17T21:11:00.000-07:00

this week has had zero productivity. pourquoi? je ne sais pas.
i've tried to do some work, but there's something unfulfilled in my heart that really isn't letting any other desires find fulfillment. qu'est-ce que c'est? i think it has everything to do with my desire or hope to find joy IN God alone, and not the many things I claim to do FOR God. This desire is dominating the playground of tasting good food, accomplishing h/w, enjoying all my friendships. Despite all of this, the most interesting thing in all of this is that I'm pretty confident. I have periodic moments of frustration.. in fact, i'm a little frustrated right now, and I was straight-up angry an hour ago. I think the confidence (that the bully will be satisfied and become more like a loving teacher) comes from some things running through my mind:

-a song lyric i just heard today, "because I'll never hold a picture of the whole horizon you have made", "makes me wonder, who am I... and great are you."

-that Jesus was silent during his suffering until God the Father turned his love from Christ. Then Christ cried out in affliction, and gave up his soul. What was it that made him so secure in God's love, and to value it above all else, even to the effect of his own death?

-that i find it so hard to live IN the gospel, instead of just theoretically believing it.

I think a lot of ppl who read this blog can identify with what I said, so feel free to add your thoughts.

repairing a heart designed for joy

2007-03-13T19:05:00.000-07:00

hello friends,

there's this family in my church. They've got 5 daughters, and 1 boy... they pretty much make up our children's group. the boy is great, he's sporty, looks up to the big kids, acts tough, and looks after his sisters. he's pretty fashionable, i think his mom dresses him. best of all, the kid can pray. he's a got a sister around the same age, she p'wns the other 4 daughters, keeping them in check. the 4 youngest, well they're a riot. i've always been a little intimidated by them, cause two of them are twins, and they keep running arounding confusing me. The other can hold her own, and sings a lot. The youngest must be like 2, and she keeps smiling and chasing after the others. Her face is usually either beaming, showing all teeth, or scrunched up in extreme pain. she hasn't really captured the art of straddling the emotional spectrum, but she'll probly grow out of it when she learns how to talk.

last sunday, i had the priviledge of utilizing a walker (those things for seniors) to drive around the 3 middle girls. It was really awkward and fun. it was awkward cause i don't really do stuff like that. i'm pretty functional, i'm good at accomplishing goals. it was fun cause... well fun is what happens when little kids are pushed around in a senior's walker.

i don't have a really clear idea why encouraging those little girls to disrespect specialized vehicles for the elderly is so beneficial to my spiritual life and my joy. I don't really want to give out the theology, or analyze the experience. I'd rather savour it for now. so i'll just leave it at this.

P.S.
shout out to Margaret, the only person from ACI i know reads my blog periodically! She's great.

awareness of photos

2007-03-03T21:11:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I'm going to make you look at this. Here are some pics I took this week.

me and my friend evan with a York staff member. we played in the amazing race.

my grandma enjoying some wine at her 80th.

mon chat

sunrise from my rez window. I look east at Younge st.

cute kid from the pow-wow at York. Only place I've been in all week where every guy I saw could probly take me.

Josh Robinson, magic man.

North Africa

2007-02-27T20:16:00.000-08:00

I got an email yesterday telling me a Canadian team for North Africa STINT was a go next year. That means I and three other lovely girls are going to serve as missionaries in a beautiful country for about 10 months.

I am pretty mixed emotionally. I'm excited and honored like you wouldn't believe. To go to a country where most don't know who Jesus Christ is and be an ambassador for Him is amazing.
On the other hand I'm scared. Two things scare me. What if God shuts the door? and what if I can't handle it emotionally.

Today two guys (Eric and Ben from Western) came to York to interview some students, and they asked me about going to NA. As I talked, I started remembering why I wanted to go in the first place. I want to see lives changed, I want to see the world changed. I can get pretty abstract and distant from daily life sometimes. Not just in my ideas, but my emotions as well. (Many of you have suffered through a silent hang out time with Andrew.) But for me, it still comes down to the glory of God revealed through changed life. It breathes life into me, it breathes life into the world. That's essentially why I'm going to North Africa.

Anyhow, I'm excited and so you ought to congratulate me when you see me.

poolosophy - but it's useful

2007-02-20T19:07:00.000-08:00

some quick thoughts on my thoughts as of late. I've been really pleased to have been learning about a major post-modern writer jacques derrida. one of the things he argues is that text (like what i'm writing right now) does not carry inherent meaning. when people read it, they take out their own interpretions, and thus the author can never be sure what her readers will come away with. this has been called the "death of authorship" by some, and it's pretty huge.

why you ask? author's write to communicate something. Karl Marx had a pretty clear vision of what he wanted to see happen in the world, and he wrote it down, assuming those who later read his work would understand his ideas. But looking at "A Communist Manifesto" through a post-modern perspective, people are given leeway towards what the "right" interpretation is. Whatever the author intended to communicate cannot be known.
This effects Christianity too, and not just through movements like the emergent church. it effects bible studies, when people come up with different interpretations, and assert the "truth" of both.

Ok, so now there's an even deeper problem i'll take the trouble to try and explain. derrida also
argues humans are separated from truth because... ok put you're thinking caps on... humans think in language, which is an external object which is internalized so you can what? so you can think, express yourself, be angry, fall in love.

ok, what's wrong with that?

Language is not human, yet your use it to define all your human thoughts. so really, you can only define yourself via something that is not of yourself. in fact, you (at least in this stage of life) cannot concieve of yourself without using language. because of this, derrida and many others claim humans are disconnected from themselves, and thus disconnected from knowledge that truly represents the world, and thus truth. post-modernists don't necessarily think there is no such thing as truth, just that we can never access it. exit absolute truth, enter pluralism.

well, school's out for now, but if you got questions, or want to change or add an idea, I warmly welcome it

my reading week so-far

2007-02-16T08:32:00.000-08:00

I'm nearing the end of my reading week. York has the pleasure of a reading week un semaine earlier than most other campuses. For me, reading started
after my French exam last Friday, when my parents hijacked me from York for a family trip to Montreal. It was my uncle's 80th B-day. so we went to his "favourite" Chinese buffet, which was really just bad westernized Chinese food with Hawaiain decor (see pic -->)

So I got food poisoned, and spent my Saturday at Brad's (montreal
staff) empyting my body. (I think the human body's reaction to food poisoning is amazing. It empty's itself of absolutely everything, I couldn't even hold down water. Good for illustrating "purging.")

Anyhow, I think God poisoned me to get me to start seriously praying over what I should be doing next year. I had decided to go on STINT to North Africa, but I wasn't always very enthusiastic. I was also "waffling" (in Brad's words). Anyhow, I waffle no longer. I'm going to North Africa, and I intend on taking 3 girls, 2 guys with me. We're gonna help change the world.

So that's how I started my week. In the middle I went to Guelph for CAMPUS EXCHANGE. Yorkies travelled to the beautiful campus of Guelph to do some evangelism. The buildings are impressive, not just blocks of concrete like some at York. Also, they have greenhouses. Here's two of my favourite pics from the greenhouse:

Silas and I left some surprises for you :) He's a little more in cognito than I.

Happy Late Reading Weeks non-Yorkies!

the philosophy of Jack Bauer (poo-losophy)

2007-01-16T15:03:00.000-08:00

I think Jack Bauer is pretty great, the pinnicle of secular man's evolution. Nevertheless, something needs to be said. Jack Bauer is a utilitarian. Utilitarianism is the ethical that states people should act in such a way to maximize happiness for the greatest number of people. The way to judge an action is how much happiness it produces, not what type of action it is. So you can act in such a way to make some people suffer, as long as you're producing happiness for others that outweighs the suffering. You may find it surprising that this is the predominant moral theory in western politics.

Enter Jack Bauer. He tortues people without knowing for sure if they're a terrorist, he'll allow innocent people to die in order to extract info from criminals, he'll even break his word, all in the name of saving "thousands of lives." So is Jack Bauer still a moral guy? I'm not sure. I'm unconfortable praising his morality, but whatever. What I'm most unconfortable with is everyone adopting an Utilitarian ethical stance because Jack Bauer is so damn cool. We still need to be critical, even if it is Jack.

a new year's goal

2007-01-11T07:40:00.000-08:00

We were going around the circle in our MDGLDG (male-discipleship-group-leader-discipleship-group), giving new year hopes, and even though I hadn't really consciously made this one, it came to mind quickly. My hope this year is to find something relaxing to do everyday. I think I can become a work-a-holic pretty easily, and it destroys my joy. I feel productive and can keep it up for a while, but I don't think I should be acting like that. It turns me into a short of means to my vision and goals, stopping me from enjoying God's gifts. I think what I'm describing right now is the case for many a burnt-out minister. There is a vision to accomplish, but there's a soul to nurture as well. I think those who've been with C4C or pastoral leadership for a while have learned this lesson.

so i'm trying to teach myself by not working from waking till sleeping (minus devos), but instead grabbing a vanilla bean hot choc, or reading for interest, or aerobics (yeh I aerob), or sitting down with a friend just to chill. anyhow, I'd like to hear if anyone has similar hopes for their new year :)

the mckenzie's

2007-01-02T20:44:00.000-08:00

I really want to blog about how funny my family is. You may not find this funny, cause my writing is too limited or you can't relate, but I'm going to try.
My family centers around my mother, a Pentecostal Italian who works a lot at home and office, and never stops asking questions. My dad is like a supporting actor who occasionally steps into the main role. He's usually pretty quiet, in the background reading or sleeping. My brother Steve has moved out, but he was kinda like my mom. I'm similar to my dad. Finally, my grandma lives about 4 blocks away, so she comes over often and sits in our living room.

here's a typical night

I came home from hanging out with some C4C'ers, and walk into my living room, where grandma and my mom were watching Mr. Bean on a TV. It looks like my mom brought her bedroom DVD-TV down and put it on one of the fold-up dinner tables (classic). So I say hi, kiss grandma, and mom and grandma continue their convo. Looks like grandma would like a combo-DVD TV as well. My mom catches me before I get up the stairs, "Andrew, come back, I want to ask you something important," (no surprise there).
"Yeah mom?"
"How much do you think a TV like this cost?"
"Yeah, probly get one for a hundred bucks?"
"See ma, a hundred bucks."
"Reeaally?" Grandma raises her eyebows, a little skeptical, "Do they sell them at Wal-Mart?"
"Oh yeh, for sure. You can definitely find one for under a hundred," I said. My mom looked pleased, and grandma a bit relieved.

So then I walked up the stairs, past the $800 painting my mom got for $10 at a Japanese bazaar, and into my room to read. My dad was reading with the TV on.

back in business

2007-01-02T20:28:00.000-08:00

I realized how much I need a schedule to motivate myself this Christmas break. I had so many lofty hopes, like finishing an essay and reading a Piper book. None materialized. I just couldn't get going, there was always something more fun to do, and if not, then I'd rent some 24 and watch Jack Bauer. I watchd 9 episodes one day. I really enjoyed that day too.

Anyhow, I'm glad to be back on schedule with classes and c4c responsibilities. There are some pretty scary challenges coming up too. Like initiating a policy battle with the admin, living for Christ in my rez, handing over the leadership reins at York C4C. As uncomfortable as I am with these challenges, it's weird that I feel most secure and with it when I have them. I don't think this is a great quality to have. I think it's more mature to be able to relax when you have free time, and jump back into things with gusto when that time is up.

Anyhow, I'm back (and likely so are you) and that's all there is to it. Here's to the power of the cross being worked out in my life and yours this next semester.

taking a night offf

2006-12-07T21:21:00.000-08:00

My dad once told me the state of one's room often reflects the state of their head :S

I don't know how bad this room is compared to yours, but I'm pretty proud. Whenever I get really busy with school, my tidyness starts to decrease. I get 'in the zone,' and worry more about utility than appearance. If it doesn't get in the way of my brain, it doesn't matter. Like using a textbook to cut cheese on, or wearing the same pants for three days so i don't have to move my wallet and pens.

Anyhow, I took tonight off in hopes of regaining some amount of godliness (as the queen would say). I watched a 5 hr movie, which was pretty wicked cool, and mange'd some food. Now, early Bed! Yeeeh!

To all you hardworkers out there, fear not, I shall join your ranks come weekend. But for now, i'm on leave. Lates

the best pearls are found in deep waters

2006-11-27T18:10:00.000-08:00

I'll get just a little personal. last week has been a bit of a spiritual up down for me. I had to forego some ministry things because I needed a break, but even that wasn't what I really needed. What I needed was an experience with 'You.' I had been asking for You to give me some strength to go on, some better circumstance, some direction, and it felt like I wasn't getting much of anything. I was getting along fine, but I was scrapping the barrel for emotional resources that were otherwise depleted.

You showed up Sunday morning, when I grudingly woke You from a nap cause I was sinking. I had been sinking for a while. "You put me here," I yelled, "it was Your command, Your will, and I obeyed. Do you still care?" I couldn't keep afloat much longer. I've been bailing water, delegating responsibilities, shirking opportunities, and getting sick of myself.

You woke and took care of my circumstances. Fixed my boat, but not my heart - that would take some prep time. Sunday morning You put sat me down, stopped me from opening a commentary, and pushed me back to a passage I had already checked off. It wasn't comfortable. I got angry that You asked the disciples to cross the lake with You, and let them flounder while You slept. Why does it have to be that way?

"Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" I found Your questioning comforting. You didn't promise me the sea wouldn't turn ugly again. But You did imply that I can trust You before my circumstances. That's how I'm going to start this week, not with a sorry looking paddle, or a better boat, but a faith that believes the waves and wind and results are under His control.

This is a good kind of learning. The experiental kind that can seeps into your brain and your practice. You touched me well this week, and I believe it will drive me to a greater level of trust.

Andrew's on facebook

2006-11-21T11:31:00.000-08:00

I joined facebook last night, and officially exited the Anti-facebook alliance (my role was to insert the word "crap" for either the "face" or "book" syllable).

There were a lot of different factors. Friends kept on pressuring me, but for a while that only deepened my conviction that crapbook was a waste time. "But it's good for ministry!" I kept on hearing. Indeed, but so are lots of other things. "It's a good way to keep in contact with your old friends." Life goes on, friends fall out of the loop, I don't need to change that process.

It might have been the night I slept in the same bed as Ethan Park that I started to really consider why I didn't like it so much. People were telling me I needed to do it. That itched me. Anyhow, somehow that night with Ethan started to scratch it. I trust Ethan Park enough to take his advice, even though he creeps over at night.

So yeah, I can't really articulate why I'm joining facebook. I have good reasons either way, I'm just kinda trusting good friends that this isn't going to burn my time or identity.

(that's Ethan doing the lawn...)

terra's blog is on caffeine-roids

2006-11-14T10:21:00.000-08:00

Terra's blog is pretty great. her current 'post,' which is more of modern day re-enactment of Heb 11 is just great. http://terraleavens.blogspot.com/
check it out

also, I'm in the process of weaning myself off coffee. I've noticed it tampers with my emotional state, and can make my stomach feel weird sometimes. We can become dependent on it, it begins to master our ability to work hard, think well, sleep, etc. so yeah, I'm gonna take a stab at no coffee, even though i got way too much to do this week.

to make-up for a lack of energy i'm gonna try and exercise briefly daily (like push-ups or yogging) and eat more fruit.

anyhow, i would like someone to join me on this. anyone good to try and de-caffienate themselves?

from Ravi to Elijah

2006-11-07T20:02:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I got to class early, and it was just me and this other dude mike. He's one of the more respected people in the philosophy department, he knows his stuff. he's also just a good guy. most ppl in philosophy are good 'guys' (not too many women, but those that are there are usually good too. i think because we do more introspection). we casually talked about what we were going to do with our philosophy degrees and I was gonna give a cop out answer I've given before, "I hope to apply to law school or do post-grad and teach." But a still small voice screamed in my head, "BE NATURAL." It's something i've picked up on from my boy John Hood at York, who is very real with his convictions about God to everybody.

So I straight told the guy, "I was planning on law school, but half way through I went through a change and now I want to do short term missionary work before anything else." there, i said it. mike causually said he met some missionaries before and they were cool ppl. we made more small talk, convo dulled, and then he asked if how i can be in philosophy when everything is against me. I told him it was hard at first but now i find it strengthening (sometimes). Oh, and by now the room is starting to fill. Then mike did what I wasn't willing to, and asked "so am i going to hell cause i don't believe in the bible." i fumbled around, told him it was a good question to ask, and answered. amazing thing was the pastor had given the answer the night before. wicked cool. i explained we expect a just system on earth, so we should expect a just one in heaven. perhaps from our perspective we think we're good enough for heaven, but from God's, if He's just He has no obligation to us. Surprisingly mike didn't pursue it, but he grilled me on some other standard tough questions.

Anyhow, i learned a lot from that convo. 1st that God prepared me, not my prev studies. 2nd it's imprt to be natural about who i am. 3rd Give people the truth, don't dance around hell or anything else (i think i danced too much). 4th even though God prepped me the night before, it was still imprt that i had tried to keep fresh by checking out Ravi and other apolgetic material now and then.

and here's the 5 th thing i learned, but you need a context, so please read on. Tmrw (Wed) i'm doing a small outreach on my floor, inviting friends to my room for pizza and spiritual talk. should be cool. I was STRESSING about asking ppl. I am not bold. But by the power of God, and some solid teaching by Dan Mac, I found peace in God and invited people. I was so happy when God relieved me of some of the stress and gave me opportunities to ask some people. Then I go to philosophy class, and get grilled, and do an ok job, but i left that class back where i was. I didn't get it. all these good things are happening, why am i sinking into depression. So i took a nap, and then did some devo's. but instead of studying the bible i meditated (thought hard) about my situation, the gospel, and Elijah (1 Kings 19). The nap helped me think with clarity, as I'm sure it helped Elijah, and meditating on the gospel gave my heart peace, and prepared me for my situation. So 5th thing I learned, time out of heavy ministry to rest and go back to the grace on which you rely.

the event is tomorrow at 10 30pm, and i would still like to invite some more great people, so if you can remember me in your prayers, much appreciated.

any other c4c ppl got MDA stuff on the go?

let the good times roll

2006-10-31T21:10:00.000-08:00

I had a really great Sunday-Monday combo. Sunday morning, I was immensely blessed at Josh Rob's church. They had a big free lunch which was amazing, especially when ur used to rez food. But the whittles came second to the messaage. The message was a Selah message (ask Josh) on Romans 12. He centered eveything; the condition of human kind, salvation, sanctification, mortification of sin in the believer, and God's value for us; on the cross. For someone who judges themself a lot, and rarely lives up to the standard, it was a welcome message.

Then I had an exam, which was good because it was open book and I got the text from the library just before this other dude. Then I had to stay up to 3am to write an essay. usually I abide by the Sabbath, but Mark 6 gave my conscience a rest.

And Monday, oh wait till I tell you about Monday. I got a call from my big bro (back in the 80' all the girls grabbed his hand and couldn't let go), letting me know he could score tickets to the Leafs game! I had never been, so I was pretty excited. I met my dad at the ACC and we looked at the tickets. Plantinum level... sweet! Walk in, the dude tells us to go to the front! I could touch the glass! I don't think I've ever been so close to crying out of happiness for a non-spitiual event.

To top it all off, I spent some quality time with my father (I was holding his hand in the 80's) and he brought me lots of food for rez.

I think God really gave me a great gift this weekend.

good videos

2006-10-26T08:15:00.000-07:00

on youtube and found some great commentaries that give clear meaning of some new termingology going around the church these days.
i don't know how to put in videos and stuff. but if you're on youtube, check out "Emergent vs. Emerging." should get this white guy with a black shirt and cool yuppie necklace. he comments on other stuff, but i think this is where he's best.

And then get the "John Piper is bad" video... so b-b-bad :)

almost made it through

2006-10-24T10:37:00.000-07:00

I remember in high school I could be a pretty disruptive student. Grade 10 in particular was a bad year. I remeber laughing hysterically through this one guy's presentation (I won't say why, it's pretty bad). Anyhow, I was going strongthree years into university until about 45 minutes ago. Dave and I were attentively listening to an intricate explication Marx's response to Hegel. All of the sudden, he just leaned over and made this weirdo gurgling noise. I was like "what the heck was that," and we both burst out into laughter. It was terrible. Dave unleased the contents of his nose on his computer, and I was in uncontrolled laughter. I tried to cover for us by saying "David made a wierd noise," but it came out garbled. Our prof just smiled politely, put her hand through her hair, and continued the long march. I think the worst part of it all was that Dave would lean over every now and then just to get me laughing again.

Now I'm gonna try and participate in class to redeem myself.

2006-10-17T10:25:00.000-07:00

i got really high on my first essay for that class where the guy behind swore cause it was so complicated. (check my sep 26th blog) It's pretty exciting, and I have no qualms in pointing out the ppl who really helped. My one-on-one time with my prof, my friend Dave (who was equally lost, but two blind men working together have a of potential), and God. Somehow, He thought it prudent to further bless me beyond the initial grace of salvation and gave me this great mark.

the next essay is due next week..

Dave says 'hi'

What would it be like?

2006-10-14T19:43:00.000-07:00

Tonigth Matts Sundin scored his 500th goal (which is a big deal in hockey). Not only did he score it, but he scored it in overtime (winning the game). On top of that, he scored AGAINST the power play(shorthand), and it was a hat trick.
Can you imagine? A goal meeting any one of those obstacles is noteworthy, but all of them. What a beautiful moment. So Sundin was pretty happy ecstatic (in his own way, I think he's a little introverted).

Anyhow, I think this is a good time to let everyone know that I dream pretty much every day of making some great sports or even military achievement. It's pretty crazy. Like catching some long pass in football, or saving some poor sap on the battlefield. I do it in class, as I walk, during devotions... So yeah, I'm not gonna analyze anything or get philosophical. I just like picturing myself beating other people in some competitive venture and getting the glory for it. Sundin must be living it up right now, tmrw he'll wake up with a real good feeling, then probly go to practice.

Lates

muchos gracios

2006-10-09T10:38:00.000-07:00

things I appreciate, in no premeditated order

1)missions (hehe)
2)long-walks alone, but i bet walking with ppl is fun too
3)solitude in nature
4)capture the flag (competition in nature)
5)family, especially mine (they did a good job in teaching me the exercise of obedience in love)
6)jack bauer (taught me what it means to be a man of good intentions but frustrated purpose (season four, ep 20)
7)uncles that make you question the reliability of your family tree.

i don't really want to say much more.. i'm sure i could go on and talk about my cat. he killed another rodent.

Thanksgiving

2006-10-05T20:58:00.000-07:00

Holy Lord, I have sinned times without number, and been guilty of pride and unbelief, of failure to find Thy mind in Thy Word, of neglect to seek Thee in my daily life. My transgressions and short-comings present me with a list of accusations, but I bless Thee that they will not stand against me, for all have been laid on Christ. Go on to subdue my corruptions, and grant me grace to live above them. Let not the passions of the flesh nor lustings of the mind bring my spirit into subjection, but do Thou rule over me in liberty and power.

God brought me back to the gospel the other day. It should really be every day. I'm thankful for many things, and I'll list some of them later this weekend, but LORD am I thankful that at 18 years old God grabbed hold of me. I love Jesus. He's changed my life, and me.
And in the beauty of it all I consistently slip and lay in discouragement, disobedience (especially in the areas of evangelism and prayer) and the easy-come-easy-go comforts of an undisciplined spiritual life.
Rom 6:4We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.

(thanks for reading this and participating in my gospel, you guys rock)

Poolosophy

2006-09-26T11:14:00.000-07:00

I do enjoy philosophy most of the time, but as i sit here in my "History of Philosophy" class, i have to say i'm slipping.
it's been 2 1/2 hours of hearing things i not only have no interest in, but have no idea what their saying.. here's one quote from the class.

"This ambiguous supersession of it ambiguous otherness is equally an ambiguous return in itself"
(upon which the guy behind me said, "Jesus Christ."

you get the picture... I fail to see any reason why any human being should think like this..

Anyhow, I want everyone to tell me what philosophy courses they've took, so I can remember happy thoughts of free will and determinism, ethical dilemmas, and logical theorems.

Have a good one

2006-09-20T08:58:00.000-07:00

hello friend,

i hope all you bloggers out there are feeling good about your classes and, if applicable, ministry reponsibilities. For most of us I imagine most days are like, wake up at 7am, work, eat, work, eat, chat, sleep. The days can get pretty long and often discouraging. Especially when you have deadlines looming and obligations that keep getting put off. Even when you don't have a lot going on, it's still to get anxious because.. well.. you don't have a lot going on.

Anyways, hope you all are managing the adventure of life well.

God bless.

P.S. read some Andrew Murray
"Moment by moment I'm kept in His love,
Moment by moment I've life from above"

my apologies

2006-09-10T19:50:00.000-07:00

je suis desole. I haven't blogged for awhile. I've been busy with stuff that other C4C would know all about, I've also moved onto rez and have had internet difficulty. But "excuses are like butts, everyone has one and they all stink (courtesy steve mckenzie)." Where there's a will, there's a way, and I had no will to blog. It was just easier to do my work and not contribute to this online community of sharing. Sorry everyone.

Anyhow, I'm back now with another Andrew Murray quote, "Let a man be what he will, you are to love him." I caught myself getting annoyed with ppl more frequently than i usually do this week. Worst of all, I wasn't stopping myself, rather I was believing I was somehow justified in disliking this person that had done me no wrong other than to exist in my social sphere. Murray hit it pretty well though. Even if these ppl (who are really nice) were evil, I am still called and even empowered to love them. No butts allowed.

Looking forward to another year of philosophy and throwing myself into life-changing situations.

God Bless

sweet death

2006-08-22T20:36:00.001-07:00

My cat's name is Cadbury, cause he's the colour of caramel and my mom used to work in the factory (and yes, we know how they get the caramel in there).
I know some of you cat-haters are making fun of my cat right now. "Look at amac's lazy cat. I bet he doesn't get his face licked when he comes home from work." Well hate on Hater. My cat is a death-making-machine. Yesterday my mom ordered me into the backyard to clean up two dead mice and a cluster of feathers from a dead bird. The bird's body was gone, probly got pooed into my cat's litter box or something.

And yes, I do get my face licked by a tongue that has been involved in an obscene number of gruesome deaths. I find it inspiring.

'gone surfing'

2006-08-21T07:18:00.000-07:00

not really, but that's how I've been feeling the past while. I've been enjoying a sort of in Toronto vacation the past few weeks. Some part-time work, lots of reading, and hanging out with friends. Just yesterday I noticed that my good friend, mr 'light but persistant anxiety' has checked his bags for a vacation as well.

So yeah things are working out pretty well, so I'm trying to evaluate what goes on in my head when circumstances are not trying. I feel less stress, but sometimes I feel little pangs just cause. I don't feel a need to blog as much. I have plenty of ideas I could blog about, but most of them deal with theology or movement building or strengthening my fingers for rock climbing. So that probly means blogging is a release for me. I guess it is for all of us.

anyhow, those are some thoughts, and here's a proverb, "A prudent man keeps his thoughts to himself, but the heart of fools burst out folly." 12:23

A very unphilosophical blog

2006-08-10T11:37:00.000-07:00

I love the Supertones. They broke up a while ago, but not after pumping out some great ska albums and preaching it old school style. I found these guys hit at things Christians really think about, instead of giving vague cliches that provide temporary relief to hearts that yearn to feed on truth.
One example is how they write about the problem of evil or suffering in the world. Here are quotes from two of their songs: The Wilderness and The Shepherd is Lamb. Read them if you like, I was going to summarize the message, but that's a dumb idea. Lyrics are meant to be sung, especially this type. (itunes it up, or download, i'm sure they'd approve)

The rain falls on the righteous and the wicked
Mine is not to reason why this is
In this I rest, in this I find my refuge
That my thoughts and ways are not His
I spend my life on looking up the answers
It's rare that I can't find a reason why
But reasons fail at children without mothers
His plan is more than I can know

Have you ever held in doubt
What this life is all about
Have you questioned all these things that seem important to us
Do you really wanna know
Or are you a little scared
You're afraid that God is not really exactly what you'd have Him be
What should I hold to and what should I do
How do I know if anything's true
I'm somewhere in-between Canaan and Egypt
A place called the wilderness

I'm not one who always trusts their feelings
I don't believe in what you'd call blind faith
But faith that you can do all that you promised
And you said it all works for good
Its safe to say I don't see the big picture
I can't see the forest for the trees
And if five hundred lives
Were mine to get to know
You all could be spent on just this

God do you really understand what it's like to be a man
Have You ever felt the weight of loving all the things you Hate
Have You struggled have you worried
How can You sympathize

I have spoken too soon put my hand over my mouth
I can't contend with You
Your ways are so much higher
And we pass through the fire that Christ endured before us
When You were in the wilderness

"(Preacher) The incarnation is God's grace is made evident and obvious. People matter, life is sacred. Men, women and children are worth the greatest sacrifice, the supreme efforts, the Ultimate Gift."

So what becomes of those
poor unwanted souls
who spend their lives breaking their backs
Or those who dig the gold
for the rich and powerful
who place their feet upon their necks

The Shepherd is the Lamb
Do you understand,
That God became a man
The Shepherd is the Lamb

Where can the junkies go when the high has laid them low?
Are they truly on their own?
Itseems like we've lost our way
Like sheep we've gone astray
Can anybody lead us home

"(Preacher) It is the amazing manifestation of his unshakable love for the unloved. The unlovely, the weak, the base, the unworthy. The rebels, the sinners. You and me."

Who is the champion?
The friend of the suffering?
Those who were never born?
The King with the crown of thorns

And I'll consecrate a verse
to the kingdom in reverse
where the least are most
and the last are first.

The Shepherd is the Lamb
Do you understand,
That God became a man
The Shepherd is the Lamb

an analysis

2006-08-05T07:12:00.000-07:00

"Chloe, I need another favor. Get me Frege's 'Truth and Meaning,' and don't let that whiner from 'Rudy' see you do it."
(ok, to get this joke you need movie knowledge, and philosophy of language knowledge.)

So, let's go over some of what's been said about Jack Bauer's foray into fashion politics.

On the one side, there's a lot of people pointing to the function or purpose of the bag as determining its classicfication. If it holds tools like guns and stuff (or school stuff), it's a satchel. If daily amenities, then purse.
A problem with this view is we can think of all kinds of counter-examples where bags that are clearly murses are used to hold tools and would thus be classified as a satchel, or vice versa. There is, however, a possible way around this. Instead of pointing to the subjective purpose of the user for the bag, let's look at the intended purpose. For example, my murse is not intended to hold text-books or guns, it's intended for stuff i may need like throughout the day like... uhhh.. whatever. You get the point.
Now hold up, what about those side bags which appear too small and stylish for a stachel, but too big for a murse? Their reasonable utility is vague. What then fashion philosopher?

Well... I'll refer to a beautiful comment from a s-m-a-r-t Queen's student. "Often the bearer's style and poise can determine whether it is a murse or not." Just use the whole picture.

Now the one bag I cannot figure out is what Josh R. got in North Africa. It's smooth leather, big, but has this big metal emblem... The thing is beyond philosophical categorization.

2006-08-01T21:12:00.000-07:00

Here's an Andrew Murray quote
"where there is an earnest desire for the glory of Jesus in the heart of the believer, the Holy Spirit will preserve the prescence of Jesus in our hearts. We must not weary ourselves with striving after God's prescence. We must quietly endeavour to abide in fellowship with Christ, to love Him and keep His commandments, and to do everything in the name of Jesus. Then we will be able to count upon the secret but powerful working of the Spirit within us."

Finding a hobby

2006-07-31T18:52:00.000-07:00

I've been trying my hand at indoor rock climbing lately, and it's pretty cool. I'm not very good. My friends say I'm all arms, and I take a really long time to get up simple walls, but I had a good experience with it so I might take it up. Last Saturday I tried a 5.9 level wall, which is higher than anything I've done before. I worked my way up painfully, relying too much on my arms and killing my strength. Then I hit this spot that I just couldn't get. There was this hold that was just a bumpy mound of plastic, and you had to pull urself up on it to reach the next footing. After 10 minutes of struggling, I just gave up. My friends let me down and gave me some encouraging words, but it was pretty disappointing. The first wall of the day is your best chance at surpassing your previous level, so I was getting left behind. My friends had already done the wall in about 8 minutes.. (Then some little asian girl did it after them equally fast...)

But I hit that sucker again. My bro's kept my rope tight and coached me up to the point where I had failed before. I stopped, looking down at them, gave the 'thumbs up,' and lept for that bumpy mound. I grabbed it well, but my foot slipped and I flew off. Bummer. I tried again, same deal. I just couldn't get it, and I sat there swinging in my harness looking dejected. There would be no giving up this time though, my friends were holding that rope patiently, telling me to go on. One of them said I wasn't getting a drive home if I didn't finish. So I just kept trying. It was a stroke of luck that I ever made it past that stupid hold. Even after that I still had struggles. But the main deal is my pals stuck it out with me for about 45 minutes on a wall that took them less than 10. They were proud of me, and I was couldn't have done it without them.

So I think I'm gonna take up rock climbing, see what happens.. Hopefully I'll get to the point where I don't get punked by little asian girls all the time.

This quote is for a friend... not really related to the above.
"Sociologists have a theory of the looking-glass self: you beome what the most important person in your life (wife, father, boss, etc.) thinks you are. How would my life change if I truly believed the Bible's astounding words about God's love for me, if I looked in the mirror and saw what God does?" Phillip Yancey, What's So Amazing about Grace

The only fashion debate you'll ever need to worry about

2006-07-21T10:19:00.000-07:00

I've been having a recurring conversation about what constitutes a murse, or 'man-purse' as some refer. The English language lacks some standardized criteria for the word, which really wasn't anyone's problem until male icon Jack Bauer (who's face has graced this blog and many others) appeared on TV with this bag. For more pics, check out http://www.fox.com/24/ (go to episode 1, pic 11,12 or episode 16, pic 5),

This bag has challenged the model of an ideal male, divided friends, and held a lot of guns and cool stuff Jack has used to kill people.

So what do we classify it as? Some say murse, others satchel. Webster's has no clear definition for either, so don't bother. It's up to the common person. So I'm throwing it out there, what do you think?

Make an argument for your stance, we're looking for cold logic here. No majority, no feelings. Pure critical reasoning folks. In two weeks I'll give a tally of the best arguments, and hopefully some definitions of 'satchel' and 'murse.'

tonight's care-taking shift

2006-07-19T19:20:00.000-07:00

so i'm working at my church as a care-taker. setting up chairs, emptying trash, helping random people... it's a good job when i have a good attitude. For example, when I'm emptying the numerous office trash cans, sometimes I get these neat little obstacles that can add a lot of fun to a relatively mundane task. Gum is cool, cause it acts as a adhesive for little pieces of garbage. Dirty kleenex's have to be tackled with a little strategy to avoid touching moist parts. But the best is, by far, half-full coffee cups. My dad is better at this than every other pastor. Tonight he had around four, which made for a pretty ncie trashcan flip into the large bag. Can't mess those ones up. Coffee stains are never fun.

Anyhow, I think I'm a pretty cool janitor. I try not to be bitter, and be nice to the youth that come in and out of church. Sometimes I think they find me intimidating cause when I find them loitering I tell them where their program is "in case they're looking for it." I gave one some free yogurt from the kitchen today... just to show that I'm cool too.

Stabbed in the heart with a Sloppy-Joe

2006-07-16T13:04:00.000-07:00

I'm learning a lot these days. A mixture of good reading, down-time, and some testing experiences are serving me well. I'm learning a lot about myself. Don Miller, in Blue Like Jazz, mentions this chef that told him he was able to clean-up after messy, ungrateful people everyday because of JC. He said something like, "Don, every morning I die to myself."
I got angry at him because he was so convicting. I like to think that in the future, I'll be pretty hardcore with the Great Commission, diffinitely not serving and cleaning at a Christian retreat centre. I'm just too committed to Jesus for that.
You get the picture. So I'm going to try and judge people less, and focus on the Great Commandment before trying to fake it out in the Great Commission.

It'd be cool to meet this chef, or one like him, and just make a beautiful mess. Maybe I'd drop a Sloppy-Joe. Then watch him as he comes out in with his messy apron, gets the mop, and goes to work, all the while humming some hymn and looking pleasant.

2006-07-12T13:13:00.000-07:00

is anyone able to coach me on how to set up something cool looking for my blog. like how Josh has a pic behind his title

2006-07-11T09:37:00.000-07:00

two little things. Check out my sidebar. I added a friend, his name is Russell. He's got a worthwhile blog about universalism amongst other things.
I'm also gonna switch that top link to the talk soon, so listen to it SOON, cause it's stinking wicked. About adopting eternal values to guide your life decisions.

First Love: communion

2006-07-07T11:47:00.000-07:00

Rev 2:14 "But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first."

When in North Africa it hit me that I had really ignored this problem in my life, even though it's a pretty common one. I give things like daily devo's and lust a lot of attention, but the heart of it all gets lost. So I'm committing myself to learn loads about this topic, and apply it. I read a super sermon by Spurgeon, http://blueletterbible.org/Comm/charles_spurgeon/sermons/0217.html
He's got a couple devotionals and commetaries on the passage. Blue letter bible can really hook you up if you check Rev2:4 out (and if you're looking for a little love, Spurgeon can do better than me).

Spurgeon outlines what's it like to live in the first love, which I found useful. But for now, all I want to comment on is the section that most hit me. Here's a quote,

"Dost thou not think, again, that thou hast lost thy first love by neglecting communion with Christ? Now preacher, preach honestly, and preach at thyself. Has there not been, sometimes, this temptation to do a great deal for Christ, but not to live a great deal with Christ? One of my besetting sins, I feel, is this. If there is anything to be done actively for Christ, I instinctively prefer the active exercise to the passive quiet of his presence."

I can relate to this. In the go go activism of C4C, the Inductive Bible Studies, the prayer requests, and everything else, I stopped having the... what should i call it. Waiting for a small little voice to go off in my head while I refrain from sleep? Getting that nice feeling? That's what I often saw communion with God as. But here's what I think now. Child-like expectancy. I think it was pride before that made me make such a difficult thing of communing with God. Not only did it require patience, but it's intellectually difficult. "I DO my Christian activities, i can figure them out. Why do I have to stop everything and listen, especially when I don't really know what to listen to?"

Child-like faith is simple. It doesn't get caught up in the guilt of sin or the pride of working hard for the cause, or the worries of circumstance. It can wait in the unshaking grace of God (Jesus loves me, this I know) and just expect.

To the beautiful peeopl that read this unshapely attempt at describing a quest for Godly communion, I hope you all are putting in the faith to listen to the gentle whisper of the soul. Read some of those Spurgeon commentaries, he's a passionate read.

10 reasons why it's hard being a Christian fundamentalist

2006-06-29T07:23:00.000-07:00

I was stepping out of the bathroom, deep in thought, thinking about how minority groups often play the "victim card" in order to achieve their ends (not a bad thing). Anyhow, I started asking myself why I never get to play the victim card. It's hard being a White (Male) Anglo-Saxon (conservative) Protestant. Here's ten reasons why:

1)Everyone's out to get you. Especially the media.
2) waking-up early on Sundays
3)Home-schooling is hard
4)You're torn in a love/hate relationship with people from other conservative religions. You can't stand their theology, but find it comforting to know you're not the only one writing petitions to the government on gay marraige.
5)Pentecostals (no toungues on the first date <--- Ryan Lawrence)
6)It's hard work holding up big John 3:16 placards at sporting events
7) crappy radio shows. I think it's a toss-up between Joyce Meyers, Fletcher Brothers, and Mrs. Gee, the ol'British lady that reads OT stories to adults.
8)Creationism, women pastors, and 'Reva-what-tions'
9)Superbowl SUNDAY
10) Guys can't just ask pretty girl out. They've gotta develop friendships, impress her, probly impress her friends, prove themselves in ministry, and finally bear their hearts in elaborate schemes to win her affection. Then she decides whether to give the poor guy a break or continue the process.

P.S. sorry if anyone felt alienated after reading this, but I think that's an important part of blogging...

Some things I'm happy to have learned

2006-06-24T08:48:00.001-07:00

well i got a job as a caretaker at my church. actually i'm working right now.. pretty hard I might add.
Anyhow, spending the last couple days writing 'Thank You' cards has been good for me. The chance to reflect on what has been accomplished in me and through me and the team brought back good memories. So here's some of the things I'm pleased about.

gaining a sympathy for those who are growing up in rigid social systems. They not only conform your life, but the way you think. Most of the univesity students I met were had a lot of trouble stringing together a logical argument.
an appreciation of long-term work overseas, especially for families
'je voudre avoir du pain, ce vous plais'
realizing grace had become a cool concept to me, and not a love-addication (read Yancey).
my biggest one comes from Rev. 2:4-5, losing the love of the game. I'll blog more on this later.

Well, those are some biggies. Glad I blogged this. It's easy to drop a notch on spiritual side of things after a mission trip.

2006-06-24T08:48:00.000-07:00

gaining a sympathy for those who are growing up in rigid social systems. They not only conform your life, but the way you think. Most of the univesity students I met were had a lot of trouble stringing together a logical argument.
an appreciation of long-term work overseas, especially for families
'je voudre avoir du pain, ce vous plais'
realizing I had been operating on an 'earn God's favour scale,' when I could've been operating on 'a God loves me whatever I do, so just do it scale.
my biggest one comes from Rev. 2:4-5, losing the love of the game. I'll blog more on this later.

Well, those are some biggies. Glad I blogged this. It's easy to drop a notch on spiritual side of things after a mission trip.

back

2006-06-17T10:44:00.000-07:00

That's me, hard at work in North Africa...
Anyhow, I'm not really planning on giving the lo-down now, but I will tell one story. Brad and I met a guy named 'Whiskers'. He pretty consistently wore the same two shirts, but everyone does over there so it didn't really phase me. What got me was his interest in philosophy. As we talked it was pretty apparent his interest wasn't just intellectual, this guy was searching for meaning. At points he said things like, "All I really want is someone to love me," or "I feel like my heart is a desert." It was incredible hearing him say this, especially in a country where Islam is supposed to provide that love and security. At one point, I shared my testimony of how I didn't really experience the love of God until I realized I was in need of forgiveness and personal change. I explained how my deepest needs are met by the only person alive who gives love without condition. Whiskers actaully got teary eyed at this point.
He didn't become a Christian, that's a big step for someone in that culture. I hope one day he will find what I've found in Christ, and I'll be praying for him as well.

Anyhow, that should hold ya'll over.

Have a good one.

lates

2006-05-02T11:27:00.000-07:00

Hey, well I'm off to North Africa for 6 weeks. Not so sure what to say, no giant words of wisdom, but so I'll just quote a martyr who was very thankful his death meant something

Some men die ashes
Some men die in flames
Most men die inch by inch, playing silly little games

This is giant, one of the reasons I'm going to NA is because I cannot invest my life in useless causes the world hands down to me.

Have a good one everyone, especially to all the scarborough kids that don't read this :(

Models of male instinct

2006-04-27T09:01:00.000-07:00

all i got to say is king kong is the man.
along with jack bauer.

Actually, I picked up on a few similarities between the two:

1) both are in a constant state of perplexed anxiety, just look at those eyebrows
2) that anxiety is usually caused by trying to protect a woman. "she got kidnapped again?!"
3) self-sacrifice
4) both are worshipped (check out http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=51238497
the best is "superman wears jack bauer pajamas")
5) one word, pluralized - guns

sunday school'ed'

2006-04-23T10:27:00.000-07:00

ok, school's done. one week till north africa. everything seems to be in order here.

so on to bigger subjects. my pastor spoke this morning edifying our language, something i think i need some serious work on. a couple verses stood out to (convicted) me
"some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing." Prov 12:8
"a word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver" Prov 25:11

so to any soul that reads this blog, please help me keep watch over oft made sarcastic and cynical remarks over the next week.
thanks ppl :)

PS Josh Rob, for this, you ARE my hero

T-Minus 3 hours, 40 minutes

2006-04-22T15:22:00.000-07:00

Pretty soon I'll be done my 3rd year of the tortuous York undergrad philosophy program..

but yeh, kinda wondering how i'm gonna manage my time without having a busy schedule to work around.

anyhow, back to the spanish inquisition (for all you monty pythoners)

U2 is hurting my brain

2006-04-18T08:19:00.000-07:00

I picked up my first ever U2 cd, "All that you can't leave behind." They got some good lyrics, "grace is the name of a girl, also a thought that can change the world."
"you can only take so much... love isn't going to be easy... walk on"

Nevertheless, since getting their cd i've had a bad headache. not sure if it's the ridiculous bass or bono's "wwwoooohhoohooo oooooooo"'s which happen a couple times per song.

but yeh, i really respect those guys. one of the few bands that seems to have a purpose beyond entertainment. One time he stopped a show a live feed from a war zone. the audience "boo'ed," but i'm sure he had them cheering in a couple of minutes

"wooooo hooo ooo hooooo. "

roar

2006-04-16T19:26:00.000-07:00

for anyone who lives in scarborough, you'll likely know how Glendower is pretty crappy governemt housing, lots of guns and gangs and ppl who get overlooked cause we're worried bout what colour bandana the black ppl are wearing.
then pretty much across the street are some of the biggest, dreamiest houses you could want. It's night and day.

It crossed my mind more than once that there's enough money to change Glendower, but there's no vision or belief in a possible difference.

I also noticed that I didn't see anything cool happening on "Castle Street," but the 'Dower had some ball and other fun stuff.

I dunno, life is messed up, and everyone wants to blame someone else.

Bubble tea, cause everyone else is talking bout easter

2006-04-16T12:44:00.000-07:00

so i had bubble tea twice this weekend. i'm losing my love for it.. maybe cause i'm always surrounded by people that i have no idea what they're saying.
but yeh, the personal company was nice: Russell the buff man, and the handsomly dress Joe and the etiquettely inclined Lydia.
Joeis the man, nice dresser, fullhawk, loves God.. perfect for York C4C.

oh, and something i'm not losing my love for is chinese parking lots. i don't think i'll ever grow bored of small lots, small parking spaces, confused drivers, and souped up civics (seriously).

anyhow, happy easter everyone.
1 Cor "14And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith."
(you knew i had to do something Christian)

leap of faith/plunge of stupidity

2006-04-13T19:24:00.000-07:00

alrighty, through the fire in terms of exam period, just one essay and one exam left.
so, i was thinking about what to blog, and how i should do something non-philosophy/Christiany... but yeh, i had a good conversation today so hear it is.

my buddy "Frank from phil-o-biology," mentioned he couldn't take that "leap of faith" against his current knowledge. that got my brain rolling, and i realized Christians have done a terrible job explaining what a real leap of faith is.

it's Not ignoring intelligent not to believe. as my prof said, "religion is not immune to evidence."
each religion has to prove that what its text claims about the world is true (within reason). For example, the bible says Christ resurrected. well Christians need to show good reasons to believe that. if something can't be proved, it doesn't mean the religion is false, just hard to believe in. but a religion can be proved false if conclusive evidence is given against it. for example, prove the 4 gospels give an untrue portrayal of Christ's life and then Christianity is bogus.

So yeah, after explaining this to Frank said he didn't expect relgious ppl to think like that. and that's fair enough, so many thumpers will sooner quote the bible than an archaeological dig when they make an argument. Frank's a good listener.

anyhow, the convo just made me think that everyone, religious ppl especially, need to either put up or shut up when it comes to evidence for belief (you all know the verse, now learn some apologetics!).

2 weeks: 3 exams, 2 essays

2006-04-10T15:02:00.000-07:00

ok, truth is this isn't nearly as busy as I usually am.. but the birds are singing, i'm leaving for another continent soon, having parties, friends want to go out, so i'm having a little trouble buckling down. boo hao.
i'm sure someone out there has more stuff to do than me.. which should motivate me to... feel sorry for them?

rule britainnia. why? cause that's the way it is foo

poolosophy

2006-04-06T20:57:00.000-07:00

i had thought of something cool, but i forgot it, so i'll tackle a nice ivory tower question that plagued me my first year of university. it goes like this:
“Are 1)morally good acts willed by God because they are morally good, or are they 2)morally good because they are willed by God?”
this is a dilemma, it leaves two undesirable options for one who gets their morality from God.
1)good exists apart from God, meaning God is not the ultimate 'Good'
2)acts are good not because of their intrinsic quality, but simply because God wants them to

to answer this problem by saying, 'but God is good,' is on the right track, but it leaves a problem. what good are you appealing to? are you thinking of a quality outside God? well then you hit the first option.
we need to demonstrate that God really is good, without appealing to outside criteria (1st prob), nor making up some arbitrary criteria (2nd prob)... whew... ok, so.. here goes:

the answer is 2.

ha, yeh since God is the Creator God, it means God created morality, meaning it is completely arbitrary, but not. why not? because the only criteria God could've looked at when creating morality is God's self, nothing else existed, including a conception of "good," and if it did, it was created by God..

So yes, things are good because God wills them, but it's not the same as things being good because WE will them. That's different, because we were created under the authority of this God's morality, and thus have several moralities to choose from.

Finally, this may breed a distrust of God. What if God really is just out to create suffering and call that "good." We don't like that good. Here's how I solve that,
"But Christ demonstrates his love for us in this, while we were sinners, Christ died for us."
it isn't perfect philosophy (yet), but who's got anything better? (seriously, anyone got anything better for or against this solution?)

2006-04-05T18:56:00.000-07:00

just wanted a pic to put in my profile.
i hoped that fence one night.

Josh robinson is the man

long last day at school

2006-04-05T15:29:00.001-07:00

So here's how my last day of classes went.
started off with a visit to my prof's office. she said that Christian ethics were bad because they're too servile or humble, cause Christians take insults and beating without fighting back. We discussed it for a while, and came to the conclusion that it could be pragmatic, but the text doesn't suggest that. What it suggests that we should be imitators of God, who suffered unjustly for people to reconcile them to God, Christians should seek the same. BUT it got real interesting cause she asked me if i believed Christians should seek to convince others of their faith, and I was like "Yes."
so i spent 20 minutes responding to some good challenges about what justifies a rational belief in Christianity.. she said she respected that I believed religion is "not immune to evidence," but that my belief was irrational. i really respect that prof, and i think that convo was one of the most valuable all year..

Anyways, that's the first hour, then came 1 1/2 of class, then another class, where i found out that i had an essay due THAT CLASS. heh. so i got someone to send me the notes and jetted. handed it in a day late, hoping for a B+.

THEN talked with another dude bout the faith for a while, he said he didn't feel like he had sinned big enough to need forgiveness from God. "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God" didn't phase him. Hopefully I'll see him again sometime.

FINALLY, i had a 2 1/2 hr exam on material i had spent a total of 2 hrs studying for. i'm hoping for a B.
couldn't sleep on the way home cause two guys were attempting to be friends behind me..

then i hit the hay by 11ish. i think that may have been the only night of the school year i was in bed by 11.. i think i could've handled more though..

"so, do you like... stuff' (Ralph Wiggens)

2006-04-02T19:33:00.000-07:00

Starting a blog is tough. it's like starting a relationship. It only matters if you put time into it, yo need to be thoughtful constantly, other ppl judge it, and you never know if you're gonna run into unexpected "technical" difficulties.

but yeh, here goes my first date.

I think the english language lacks two words, "poolosophy" and "essaying." The latter is pretty straight forward, instead of saying "I'm working on my essay," you can say "I'm essaying."

The second, is more complicated, so here's the official definition from McKenzie's on-hand dicitonary
Poo-los-so-phy: 1)the study of, and the pooing on, of crappy philosophy. 2) love of pooology. 3) (in the context of this blog)thoughts from a 3rd yr York Philosophy Spc.

I'm really just doing it to look interesting.. that's a pic of me climbing.. aren't I adventurous? :P